...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
