I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Tell her she can't have a vagina
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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