ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
