one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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