problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
