meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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