I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
