There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
