While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
