Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
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