Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
