i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
