Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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