The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
