we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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