He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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