the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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