do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
