woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
