i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
