I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
