I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
