During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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