you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
