On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
