Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
