I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
