I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
