I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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