he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
