Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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