Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
