Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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