He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
