Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
