These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
