would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
