I wish my penis had an off switch
I think I died a long time ago.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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