Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
