My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
