just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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