just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
