Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
