Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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