Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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