Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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