I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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