dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
