he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
