my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
